perspective shift – Jenn Sheridan

Calendar Readings and the Energy of 2015

“Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.” ~ Johnny Cash

I love January. Much like the “new school year” energy of September, the beginning of a new year has a beautiful blank slate quality to it. For many people, it only takes a couple of weeks for that feeling to wear off — hence the rapid failure of so many New Year’s resolutions — but if you can harness that energy through setting your intention and raising your awareness, it can be an incredibly powerful time.

I have three rituals I perform every January. 1) A burning bowl ritual. It’s a great way to cleanse yourself of the energy from last year as you move into the new year. This year I included my boys in the process, which was laughable as my 3-year-old discovered the joys of fire and I quickly had to move the ritual outside while they talked to me through the window. 2) Visioning. Fran Klos and I co-facilitate a workshop to kick off each year with guided meditation, visualization, journaling, and a vision board. It’s a fabulous way to connect with your big picture vision for your life and for your year, listening to your inner wisdom to tell you what’s up for you this year and set you up for whatever goal-setting rituals you like to do. And 3) Calendar readings. By far my favorite intuitive reading to do for both myself and others, I love the insights I gain about the big picture energy that this new year is presenting more universally, the personal energy that is coming up for each individual, and how those energies are weaving together.

So while January always has a blank slate quality to it, it is especially noteworthy this year as the energy coming into 2015 is emphasizing a separation from the past so that we can experience life from a fresh perspective. The past few years have been intense, often feeling like we were being forced to drink water from a fire hose. These years have changed us fairly rapidly, at the very least energetically, but for most of us tangibly in our lives as well. While societally we have spent the past few decades focusing a lot of energy on the past — psychoanalyzing ourselves and dwelling on our history, personally and globally — this focus is no longer serving us, and may potentially even be to our detriment. I’m not talking about not learning from our mistakes — quite the contrary. What I’m talking about is learning from our mistakes and then moving on. Really moving on. Rehashing what has already happened steeps us in the energy that created those mistakes and makes it difficult for us to really show up in a new way when the next similar situation arises. As Einstein said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.” We need to fully separate from the old in order to truly experience the new, in part because we really aren’t the same people we used to be and we can’t really see that and experience what that means until we truly let go of what has come before and allow ourselves to use our new eyes to see.

What do I mean by our new eyes? It’s as if we are all walking around wearing scuba gear even though we can now breathe under water. This scuba diver keeps walking through my head and my readings, clumping around in his heavy gear, gear that is pretty high maintenance to boot, and it’s all completely unnecessary. The shear weight of it — can you imagine releasing all that weight, how much easier and freer you would feel in your endeavors large and small? Our awareness of this shift is at varying levels — some people are completely unaware, typically the folks who are clinging so hard to nostalgia of our past that they are fighting and resisting change in all aspects of their lives; some people are aware a shift is taking place but haven’t seen much evidence in their own lives to understand what this means for them yet, perhaps not willing to embrace change until they understand where it is leading them; some people have taken their helmets off and are wide-eyed and amazed at how easily they are able to do things they used to really struggle with; and there are even some who have taken the whole suit off and are beginning to live their lives in ways that probably seem very strange to the rest of us. The news is full of reports that point strongly towards that first category, which can make it so easy to miss the shift that is taking place everywhere else. But it is going to become harder and harder to miss, and for most of us, we are going to find that we need to actively be a part of that shift. As Anais Nin said, “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

So how can you tell if the pain you’re experiencing is bud pain or blossom pain? That question can be answered with another question — which voice are you following, the one that wants to keep you small and reminds you of your flaws and how you’re not good enough and all that, or the one that wants to push you out of your comfort zone into a place that is going to let you let your light shine in a new way? If it feels familiar (and ultimately icky), it’s bud pain. If it feels new and possibly a little scary, it’s blossom pain. That bud pain is only going to get more and more uncomfortable, and yes, it can be scary to blossom and you can end up progressing in fits and starts, but ultimately you get to emerge like a butterfly coming from its cocoon, with fresh wings that want you to fly and soar to new heights. How freeing!

Which brings us back to our blank slate. We are creating a new world, and we get to make choices about what that looks like. If we continue to operate from the level of thinking that created the world’s current problems, we will end up with more of the same. But if we can show up with the eyes of a child, looking at each situation we find ourselves in with the freshest perspective we can muster, we can open ourselves up to new ways of perceiving the world around us, and new ideas about where we want to go from here and how we want to get there. It’s funny because I think if we’d been struck with this energy a few years ago, we would have found it intense and possibly even a little overwhelming, but instead, after the bulldozer that’s been knocking us down the past few years, this feels like a breath of fresh air. For me, at least, I feel like I’ve lost a pressure on my chest I didn’t even know was there — I can breath so much easier with this energy shift, literally and figuratively. I find myself embracing Who I Am with a gusto that I didn’t even know I had, standing tall and asking for what I need, asking how I can serve, and sharing my gifts from a well far deeper than I’ve ever seen it. So yes, there’s an intensity about this year, but there’s also a strong dose of intentional choice, and so I am choosing to see this year as powerful and empowering. It’s all in your perspective after all.

Does this resonate with you? What kinds of new clarity (and challenges) do you see cropping up for you? What kinds of old patterns and baggage are cropping up for you to let go of, enabling you to be your own gardener pulling weeds? I’d love to hear how things are going for you. And if you’re interested in gaining more insight into what all of this means for you this year, I’ll be doing calendar readings through at least February 15th. And BONUS! Anyone who signs up for their calendar reading between now and then gets entered into a drawing for a free issue-specific intuitive reading to be used at any point in 2015. No matter what you choose, I look forward to hearing how 2015 is shaping up for you, and what choices you are making to help shift your energy and the energy around you towards the freedom and expansion that is becoming increasingly available to us all. Namaste.

De-funking

Ah yes, there are few things more debilitating than the slippery slope of a funk. Whatever the initial cause, be it a breakup or mild depression or gloomy weather or you’re just having a really bad day (or week, or…), once you’ve fallen down the rabbit hole, it can be ridiculously hard to crawl back out again. I cannot count the number of times I’ve been sitting with a bowl of ice cream or a glass of wine or the TV remote (or possibly all three at once) thinking (knowing) that these choices I’m making are the exact opposite of the ones I, ahem, should be making in order to turn things around, but the feeling of apathy is so strong that it’s just a passing thought. And that “should” is telling too, because that critically undermining voice in my head has free reign in those moments, telling me all the things I’m doing wrong and playing on my worst fears. Sigh.

So I think we could all make a (long) list of all the things *not* to do in these instances, those things we all too often do even though we know they’re likely to make us feel worse in the long run. And I think most of us could also make a (long) list of all the things we think we *should* be doing in these instances, those things that we probably won’t do because the stretch is too far and we’ll feel so guilty for knowing we won’t do them that the thought of them will send us running for the chocolate even faster, because hey, if you’re gonna “fail” you might as well do it with chocolate. Neither of those lists is especially useful once the funk has already gotten a hold of you. Instead, my goal here is to come up with an alternative list, a list of those things that just maybe could tip the balance just enough to end the slide and just maybe start to turn things around again. It’s about the subtle shift of vibration, reaching for a thought that feels better, as Abraham says, so you can at the very least “stop the bleeding.”

Baby steps. First and foremost, it is very important to stress (especially to myself) that this is all about BABY STEPS. The reason those “good for you” things don’t help is that they feel too distant from where you already are. If you’ve never been on a pair of skis in your life, you know to avoid the black diamond slopes–the gap between your skill level and the skill level needed to succeed there is just too great. Well, this is no different, really. You may think you have plenty of skill–and under different circumstances you most certainly do–but for now, it is in your best interests not to try to do too much too fast.

Start where you are. A corollary thought is to acknowledge that you are where you are, and to be gentle about it. I wrote a post a few years back about starting where you are as it relates to achieving your goals, but the same idea applies here. “Starting where you are is about being loving and compassionate towards yourself. You may dream of what you want your life to look like, who you want to be, and often that leads to beating yourself up, judging yourself and finding yourself lacking. This is counterproductive, placing the emphasis on what you don’t want instead of on what you do want. The first thing to do is to recognize that you are where you are, and while you are capable of realizing your dreams, you have to be gentle with yourself as you take the steps necessary to get there. I like to think of it as building your muscles. If you had a dream of running a marathon, you wouldn’t try to run 26.2 miles tomorrow. You would put a training program in motion and build your muscles and your endurance to enable success. Each step in the training program is a stretch and while you get close to your objective during training, the day of the event is the day you actually achieve your goal.” See, baby steps!

Choose a thought that feels better. All right, so now that you’re focused on starting where you are and only taking baby steps, the next goal is to choose a thought that feels better. I love that this idea seems to be such an inherent part of our collective consciousness now, but I remember when I was first introduced to the idea in Abraham-Hicks’s Ask and It is Given, I was blown away (in the best possible sense) by the simplicity and power of this practice. In a process called “Moving Up the Emotional Scale,” they lay out a scale of emotions from best-feeling (joy, knowledge, empowerment, freedom, love, appreciation) to worst-feeling (fear, grief, depression, despair, powerlessness). Yup, that funk is at the very bottom of their emotional scale. The good news? There’s 22 feelings on this list, and you don’t need to go all the way from 22 to 1 in one sitting. In fact, that’s likely to be impossible. Instead, all you have to do is reach for a better-feeling thought that is somewhere up the scale from where you. Guilt? #21. Anger? #17. Frustration? #10. Even the smallest shift can get the energy moving in an upwards direction.

Dance. Depending on your mood, this one might be out of reach, but with just the right combination of funk + beginnings of an energy shift, you might be able to turn on some body-moving music and let nature take its course. Just getting off the couch and doing a little head-banging may be all you’re capable of, but it may also be enough to raise that vibration up another notch or two.

Write. Again, this may feel like too much of a stretch, but especially if your funk originated with some worry or anger or jealousy, you might find writing to be a powerful tool to take some of those thoughts that keep swirling through your head and get rid of them on the paper so that they can start to let you go. I would definitely recommend pen and paper for this exercise–the visceral connection with the pen and watching the flow of letters on the page make a real connection between what you’re writing and letting it go. It’s flowing out of you, into the pen, and onto the paper. If it makes you feel better to think of it as writing a letter to the person that first upset you, all the better . . . so long as you don’t mail it.

Cut yourself some slack. This one can be hard to do when in the throes of a funk, but if you’ve started to feel the winds change you might be ready to cut yourself some slack. That TV show you’re watching? Not the end of the world. This is where you are right now, and you are already taking steps, however small, to shift that energy. Give yourself some credit for what you’ve been able to do–and here’s the key–without also giving yourself a hard time for what you haven’t. Rome wasn’t build in a day, and you’re not going to shift from depression to joy in a day either. So acknowledge whatever shift you *have* been able to achieve and end the internal conversation there.

Keep the energy moving. Okay, so maybe it’s the next day and you’re no longer in the depths of despair. Hallelujah! Take a moment to celebrate yourself for taking the baby steps necessary to get yourself up and out of that hole. But the mistake we all too often make is to stop there. You’re feeling so much better that the depression of yesterday seems distant and fuzzy, but it’s likely that you’re now at worry or frustration or doubt–in other words, not completely out of the woods. That slope is still a slippery one, and while you’re on much better footing today, there are more baby steps you can take to continue that upward momentum. Maybe you’ve already got a strong spiritual practice, in which case you know that it really doesn’t take much–a few minute meditation, a repetition of your mantra, singing a verse of a chant–to get you reconnected to your Source. It doesn’t take much, but it does need to be done. For more ideas about taking those baby steps a little further into the realm of connection, check out this post I wrote back in the day about Reconnecting. Chances are you got to this point via some old patterns, so maybe it’s time to start creating some new ones.

As with much of what I write, I wrote this for me far more than for anybody else. Once I find myself on that slippery slope, old patterns kick in and make it so so so easy to just keep on slip-sliding away. I’ve found myself on more than one occasion looking for that inspiration that will just keep it from getting worse–I know what’s at the bottom of the hole and I don’t want to go there–but that reach all too often feels too great. I’m bookmarking this post, adding it to my “In Case of Emergency, Break Glass” list. And I would love to hear from you too–what do you think? What here really resonates with you? And what has worked for you in the past to help shift you out of a funk? Namaste.

Photo: “rising up“, by gato-gato-gato

Which way do I lean?

“The days are long, but the years are short.” ~ Gretchen Rubin

“The secret of life is enjoying the passage of time.” ~ James Taylor

With Spider Boy’s first year of preschool coming to a close next week, I’ve been looking back over this past calendar year a lot lately, my first year as a “stay at home mom.” This year has been a lot of things. Intense. Emotional. Chaotic. Playful. Stressful. Fun. Messy. Diverse. Routine. Challenging. Exhausting. Beneficial. And ultimately, Priceless. My boys will turn 2 and 4 this summer. No longer babies and yet still so very young. Every time one of them climbs up in my lap, or reaches up to hold my hand, or snuggles down in bed with me, I feel such deep gratitude for this time with them. They are growing so fast, physically and mentally and emotionally, and each day is a new adventure with them, a new opportunity for me to see them for who they are, to create a safe space for them to explore, to expand my perspective as I see things through their eyes, to learn from them as much as I am teaching them.

It is not easy. I am “on” 24/7, even in my sleep. My buttons get pushed pretty much constantly. I have been punched, head-butted, kicked, slapped, and elbowed, not always accidentally. I have changed more diapers than I could possibly count. The constant never-ending drone of meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, dishes, and laundry is often overwhelming. There is no such thing as “just running in” anywhere. I am almost never alone.

I benefit greatly from having gone back to work after the birth of both of my boys. I know what it is like to come home after your child has already gone to sleep. I know the grief of having all too many of your child’s “firsts” happen with other people. I know that weekends are there just so you can catch up on laundry and grocery shopping and other chores. But I have also experienced the simple pleasures of “water cooler” conversations and lunches out with co-workers. And I know how good it feels to do work that you truly feel good at, and to even receive external validation for the good work that you do. Having had both experiences really helps me to appreciate the pros and cons of both choices, if indeed it is truly a binary choice. There are aspects of my work life that I miss (the people, more than anything else), but I’ve lived through it and know how miserable I was trying to balance raising a family with working outside the home, especially after the birth of my second son. On a good day, I felt like I was mediocre at everything I did; on a bad day, I felt like I was failing miserably, not even treading water, drowning in the overwhelm.

Like many women I know, I received news of Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In with mixed feelings. While I really appreciated that she wanted to address the issue of women not rising into leadership roles in government and large businesses, I felt she really did those of us who have thoughtfully and consciously made different decisions a disservice. Long before I became a mother, I really struggled with the idea that I needed to give up so much of my time and energy in order to build someone else’s pyramid, as Daniel Quinn would phrase it. My life has always been multi-faceted; I’ve joked about being a “jack of all trades, master of none,” but truly, I just have a wide variety of skills and interests, and I don’t think there is a “job” that exists that could encapsulate enough of them for me to feel fulfilled. I’ve always needed my time outside of the workplace to round things out, to take classes and be involved in my spiritual community and write and be in nature and much much more. When I left my for-pay job, yes, it was so that I could spend time with my children, but it was also so I could consciously create the well-rounded life that I wanted to live, and be the best example for my children I could be of someone who lives life fully.

One of the things that I feel most thrilled about with this “new” life that I am creating is that there is no longer a clear delineation between what is “work” and what isn’t. My life is my work. Whether I am repotting the organic tomatoes that I grew from seed, tucking my toddler in for his nap, stirring the batter for a batch of zucchini bread, creating a flyer for an upcoming workshop that I’m helping to facilitate, preparing for a board meeting at my son’s preschool, or sitting down to grab a few minutes for quiet meditation, it is all my work. I have never felt more fulfilled.

This is what I feel Sheryl Sandberg and so many others have missed. It seems to me that having a conversation about gender in the workplace is “so last millennium.” Whether you are a man or a woman, whether you’re an empty-nester or new parent or opting not to have children, shouldn’t the encouragement be to live life more fully? To find what it is that you’re passionate about and do that? And if it doesn’t fit inside someone else’s box, to create your own box? I would love to see these influential people talking about how to spend less time at the office and more time exploring this amazing planet we live on, beginning with your own backyard. This isn’t about commitment or ambition or even work-life balance. This is about recognizing that it is all your life, and it is worth making sure that it is one that is being truly LIVED. So which way do I lean? I am leaning in . . . towards life! Namaste.

It’s All My Fault!

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.”
~ Hermann Hesse

The last couple of months have been tough ones at our house, for a variety of reasons. I have been in the process of coming off of a long-term medication, with unfortunate and adverse effects; I was responsible for creating the catalog for a recent fundraising auction, which took the bulk of my attention for many weeks; the pollen counts have been through the roof and the whole family has been coughing, sniffly, sneezy, and headachy; my husband has had to work some nights and weekends; and my boys have been their usual incredibly sensitive selves, where even slight challenges or changes get magnified by that lens of sensitivity. Often, when the boys start to “act out,” I know it’s a sign that I am uncentered and need to take steps to ground and recharge, so this past week I was working hard to do my part to restore order from the chaos . . . with mixed results, due at least in part to how out of whack everything had gotten.

By Saturday, the delicate balance in our family looked more like an off-balance washing machine, so it wasn’t necessarily surprising when a straw broke my proverbial camel’s back and I snapped. In a fit of frustration, I started saying, “Fine, it’s all my fault! I get it!” I was frustrated with myself more than anything, but I had been running on empty far too long, and all of my pent up anger and frustration and exhaustion started leaking out. Thankfully the grouchiness didn’t last–with help from my mum and my husband, we were able to turn the energy around in that statement. If it truly was all my fault, then I could also be “blamed” for the gorgeous weather, the abundance at the farmer’s market, the shade from the trees, and the scent of orange blossoms in the air. Writing about it now I can feel the shift inside again, the healing laughter that it created and my sense that I could just let go of “responsibility” alongside “blame.”

Letting go is truly empowering. Yes, of course, it is probably the highest form of empowerment to recognize that by shifting myself (my thoughts, my energy, etc.) I can shift the world around me, however that knowledge can also be crazymaking when things aren’t going as well as you expect/hope/want. As a parent, I need reminding from time to time to let go, to not hold on so tight. There’s a happy balance in there where you find your sea legs, staying present and aware of what’s happening so you can shift where you need to, while holding on to any expectations you have of the outcome gently, letting go of the worry and replacing it with, say, curiosity about what will happen next.

As a write this, it’s another absolutely beautiful day that I’m happy to take credit for, but I’m also happy to not be responsible for it. I am happy to leave the care of my children in the hands of others for a few hours while I reboot and recharge and dream of what curiosity will bring. No matter how bad things get, no matter how awful and guilty and grouchy I feel, there is always more good than not. There is always more good than not. Namaste.

Spider Boy and Bean Revisited

I took a hiatus from blogging this past year for a variety of reasons, not the least of which was postpartum depression, but perhaps the greatest reason has to do with the constant learning curve of being a Stay-At-Home-Mom. New to this job last May, I had this idea in the back of my head that I would master it like I had mastered all of the for-pay jobs I’d held over the years. Those of you who have been parents a lot longer than I have are probably laughing now. Yes, I really was that naive. Even if my boys weren’t the spirited bundles of energy they are, all children are constantly changing in those early years of life, constantly reinventing themselves and discovering the people they will ultimately become. That means as parents we need to be constantly shifting our expectations and perspective, all while creating a sense of consistency that will provide our children the necessary support they require to thrive through this process. When you’re doing this 24/7, well, let’s just say that the only thing you can “master” is surrendering any idea that you’re in control of anything, or that any one day will bear any resemblance to another.

As I was contemplating a return to blogging, I thought about how the names Spider Boy (now 3.5) and Bean (now 20 months) no longer seem to apply. But once again, I realized it was because I was comparing their current iterations to who they were when those names came in to being. After shifting my perspective, I discovered that they’re still a great fit, even if it’s for dramatically different reasons. Spider Boy has turned into a grand storyteller, spinning intricate webs of fantasy in which he attempts to entrap us all. Bean has turned into a climbing vine, always in search of the highest point in any room, the highest available shelf, the highest slide on the playground, reaching for the sun. The one thing that remains the same in all of this is that these boys are my greatest teachers, my greatest inspiration, my greatest gifts. I am truly blessed. Namaste.

Originally posted on Pachamama Spirit

Working mama

The phrase “working mother” is redundant.
~ Jane Sellman

I’ve been back to work officially one month today. I’m not gonna lie, it’s been a rough month. There’s always so much to do and rarely enough hours in the day to scratch the surface, let alone feel like I’m accomplishing anything or getting to spend enough quality time with the boys. But it’s a work in progress, with each new day an opportunity for me to cull out what isn’t working and try something new that might.

What’s working includes focusing on the positives. The first time I went out to lunch with a few coworkers, I was holding a somewhat messy sandwich and I just took a moment to savor being able to eat slow(ish), with both hands. As busy as work can get, if I need to pay a bill, it only takes a minute to write out the check and walk it over to the mail drop — a task (or series of tasks, really — where are those stamps again?) that could have taken most of a morning when I was at home. The regularity of the routine has Spider Boy back to enjoying daycare — when I dropped the boys off yesterday morning he was happily anticipating getting to play with his friends all day — and he is relishing getting to spend more one-on-one time with Grandma again. And Bean has had a developmental boom that I know is due in part to interaction with children at a variety of developmental levels.

What’s working also includes a combination of shifting my perspective and truly staying present to the moment. Most Sundays, I take the boys grocery shopping — what felt like a chore when I was on leave now feels like a fun way for us to spend time together. Spider Boy and I talk and hug our way through the store, and I get to experience how he interacts with the other customers (strangers are most certainly just friends he hasn’t met yet). My husband and I have found new ways to connect with each other, whether it’s talking (hands-free!) on our morning commutes or doing our chores in the same room during naps. Sleep deprivation may leave me fuzzy, but that’s just an opportunity for me to let go of needing to be completely on top of everything, and having Bean wake up to nurse in the night feels like an opportunity for us to snuggle close.

And then there’s the work itself. Returning from maternity leave gives me the opportunity to ask how I want to spend my time. Sure, every job has a series of tasks that need to be accomplished in order to say you’re doing the job. But every job also has an opportunity for you to ask who am *I* in this job and how do I choose to show up? I choose to have my work be an extension of my Work, which means I choose to encourage people to live their lives more fully. When I was asked recently what people in my position do, the words I jotted down were: empowering, facilitating, mentoring, mediating, problem-solving. I would probably also add “healing” in the sense that I try to shine my light of positive opportunity into areas that might otherwise appear dark and see what shifts.

There is always room for improvement. I have my moments of feeling frazzled and emotional and exhausted and wondering how I’m going to get through the next five minutes let alone the rest of the week. But I am taking it one day at a time, taking every day as a practice, taking every moment as a new opportunity. And nothing, but nothing, beats the pure joy that runs through my being when Spider Boy comes running in at the end of the day yelling “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” as he throws himself into my arms, and then watching little Bean’s face light up when he sees me. I am truly, madly, deeply blessed. Namaste.

Originally posted on Pachamama Spirit