connection – Jenn Sheridan

Becoming a Pretzel

If you put yourself in a position where you have to stretch outside your comfort zone, then you are forced to expand your consciousness. ~ Les Brown

I love how parenting stretches me, literally and figuratively. Every time I think we’ve got it all figured out, something happens that throws off our delicate balance and we get to find our sea legs again. It happens often enough to make me feel like the off-kilter is the normal and the balanced is the unusual, which can be a bit unsettling at times, especially when one of your children is at his best when he can anticipate what is coming next (to put it lightly). At this point, we have many tools in our toolbox gathered over the last few years of untangling where all the challenges lie, but by far my favorite is Spirit Time.

The idea first formed when I left the corporate world to stay home with my boys three years ago (when they were 10 months and 2.75 years old) and has evolved over time as they have grown and changed (as have I!). Originally about me missing a more formal morning practice, wondering how I could incorporate meditation into a schedule that was entirely not my own, it has become an opportunity to infuse a little stillness and connection into our chaotic days. A little meditation, a little reading, a little movement — that is the goal, although depending on the day I’m happy to hit on any of those three and call it a success! While Spirit Time certainly appears to be most successful first thing in the morning, when the boys are themselves most capable of stillness, grabbing a few minutes at any time of day can have positive effects.

We had an especially fulfilling Spirit Time earlier this week and it was a great reminder of why I like to do this, why it’s an important tool in the toolbox even when (or especially when) it feels like there’s never enough time, and how the effects of one morning can last for several days.

“Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.” ~ L. Frank Baum

My summer babies are still 3 and 5, which is a good thing for me to remember when I choose what meditation to do on any given day. I’ve found that the more formal the meditation, the less likely they will have the attention for it; however, we frequently practice focusing on our breathing throughout the day — they don’t think of it as meditation, but it is building a practice all the same. That said, I still try guided meditations as it is its own practice. This week we tried a couple of meditations from YouTube. “Kids Meditation #5 – Light as a Feather – Soothing, Relaxing – Brahma Kumaris” started off lovely — I was really enjoying the process of having my body float area by area — but I noticed Spider Boy’s breathing had a catch to it. When I opened my eyes I could see he was growing increasingly anxious and tears were starting to well up in his eyes, so I stopped the meditation. It turns out that the idea of “floating” was disturbing to him — it was as if he didn’t like the idea of being untethered from the earth — so we did a little grounding exercise to help him reconnect and relax. Whew! We had a lot more success with the short film “Just Breathe,” by Julie Bayer Salzman & Josh Salzman. While not directly a meditation, it shows adults meditating and has kids talking about their emotions and then breathing. Bean got especially into it, doing a lot of deep breathing, and afterwards we got out our mind jars and enjoyed watching the glitter fall for a little while.

My YouTube playlist kept going at one point and started the beginning of a chakra meditation, which caught the boys’ attention. What was most fascinating about it was Spider Boy’s reaction to her talking about Mother Earth and Father Sun. He said that didn’t make any sense, she had it all backwards. “All planets and all moons are male, and all stars are female. Because the stars are made of gas and they are gentler. Planets are made out of rock which is harder.” (Apparently gas giants are still masculine due to their rocky core.) From there we had a great conversation about masculine and feminine, talking about the active versus receptive energy. I love getting to see things through the boys’ eyes — it opens my eyes to different ways of seeing things, and enables us to have even deeper conversations about life and the universe and the energy that connects us all.

“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” ~ Rumi

This is a household of avid readers. When there isn’t a book in hand, there are frequent requests to listen to stories, and failing that then stories are told by the boys themselves. However that content can vary from the gentle to the extreme depending on the individual and the day. Reading during Spirit Time is an opportunity to focus on spirituality and developing emotional intelligence. One example from this week was Wayne Dyer’s I Am: Why Two Little Words Mean So Much . While not what I expected, there was a great summary at the end of what I thought the whole book was about — the power of “I Am” statements and how what you say following an “I Am” influences how you feel and even how events can unfold. Dr. Dyer encourages you to “try on” a variety of “I Am” statements to see how they feel. When I tried it, I could feel my body vibrate at different levels; however, when Spider Boy tried it, it just made him uncomfortable to say things he didn’t feel so he couldn’t tell the difference. Instead, it became the basis for an ongoing conversation we’ve had all week — whenever I catch myself saying something that doesn’t feel good (“Nobody ever listens to me!”), I call myself on it and reframe (“That would have felt better if I’d said ‘Everybody makes mistakes sometimes.'”) This book also kicked off a good discussion about Source energy. Spider Boy said, “I knew it was all around me, but I’d never thought about it being inside me too!”

We also reconnected with an old favorite of ours, Seven Spirals: A Chakra Sutra for Kids by by Deena Haiber and Aimee MacDonald, which inevitably leads to a discussion about the chakras (Bean always chooses to learn about the Throat and Third-Eye chakras because blue is his favorite color, but Spider Boy is happy to talk about all of them), and On the Day You Were Born by Debra Frasier, which emphasizes our connection to all life.

“Lionel says his parents are vets. Sometimes, my daddy’s a dog.” ~ Baron Baptiste

We’ve loved many different yoga videos over the years, but haven’t had as much success with kids’ yoga books . . . until we met Baron Baptiste’s My Daddy is a Pretzel: Yoga for Parents and Kids. All the kids in the class are talking about what their parents do for a living, and the child whose father is a yoga instructor connects each one to a yoga pose. Having it be a real kids’ story that the boys could relate to held their attention from the beginning, and then they wanted to do all the poses (which would have been a huge win if we hadn’t had to get ready for school!) We’ve had so much fun sampling the different poses as time has allowed, but the Pretzel is the most requested. Only time will tell if it supplants Dead Bug Pose and Downward Dog as the perennial favorites!

“Summer fading
new friends’ faces
lighten the way home.” ~ Jon J Muth

Life has been a little more intense than usual around here the last couple of weeks, and we were in desperate need of settling down. When the idea to have Spirit Time came to me Tuesday morning, I thought I was a little crazy. How could we do it and still have time to get ready for school? But the truth was, we spent 35 of our precious morning minutes on Spirit Time that day and still were able to get out the door earlier than usual, so when the opportunity arose (read: early rising) to try again a couple of days later, I jumped at the chance and was met with similar success. This morning when we stumbled out a little groggy-eyed and ready for some weekend vegging, the boys chose to wait patiently for me with a book in hand. Spider Boy read Jon J Muth’s Zen Ties to Bean, a sweet book that focused primarily on loving-kindness but also reminded me that when we at our busiest sometimes the best choice is to take a step away from the goal in order to better situate yourself for moving towards the goal. That certainly was the case for us this week on the mornings we chose to incorporate Spirit Time. I’m feeling much gratitude towards the pretzel-y nature of parenthood and the lessons I continue to learn. Namaste.

Photo: “Morning Yoga,” by ╚ DD╔.

This post includes affiliate links — please know that when you click links and purchase items, in most (not all) cases I will receive a referral commission (thank you, thank you, thank you!).

De-funking

Ah yes, there are few things more debilitating than the slippery slope of a funk. Whatever the initial cause, be it a breakup or mild depression or gloomy weather or you’re just having a really bad day (or week, or…), once you’ve fallen down the rabbit hole, it can be ridiculously hard to crawl back out again. I cannot count the number of times I’ve been sitting with a bowl of ice cream or a glass of wine or the TV remote (or possibly all three at once) thinking (knowing) that these choices I’m making are the exact opposite of the ones I, ahem, should be making in order to turn things around, but the feeling of apathy is so strong that it’s just a passing thought. And that “should” is telling too, because that critically undermining voice in my head has free reign in those moments, telling me all the things I’m doing wrong and playing on my worst fears. Sigh.

So I think we could all make a (long) list of all the things *not* to do in these instances, those things we all too often do even though we know they’re likely to make us feel worse in the long run. And I think most of us could also make a (long) list of all the things we think we *should* be doing in these instances, those things that we probably won’t do because the stretch is too far and we’ll feel so guilty for knowing we won’t do them that the thought of them will send us running for the chocolate even faster, because hey, if you’re gonna “fail” you might as well do it with chocolate. Neither of those lists is especially useful once the funk has already gotten a hold of you. Instead, my goal here is to come up with an alternative list, a list of those things that just maybe could tip the balance just enough to end the slide and just maybe start to turn things around again. It’s about the subtle shift of vibration, reaching for a thought that feels better, as Abraham says, so you can at the very least “stop the bleeding.”

Baby steps. First and foremost, it is very important to stress (especially to myself) that this is all about BABY STEPS. The reason those “good for you” things don’t help is that they feel too distant from where you already are. If you’ve never been on a pair of skis in your life, you know to avoid the black diamond slopes–the gap between your skill level and the skill level needed to succeed there is just too great. Well, this is no different, really. You may think you have plenty of skill–and under different circumstances you most certainly do–but for now, it is in your best interests not to try to do too much too fast.

Start where you are. A corollary thought is to acknowledge that you are where you are, and to be gentle about it. I wrote a post a few years back about starting where you are as it relates to achieving your goals, but the same idea applies here. “Starting where you are is about being loving and compassionate towards yourself. You may dream of what you want your life to look like, who you want to be, and often that leads to beating yourself up, judging yourself and finding yourself lacking. This is counterproductive, placing the emphasis on what you don’t want instead of on what you do want. The first thing to do is to recognize that you are where you are, and while you are capable of realizing your dreams, you have to be gentle with yourself as you take the steps necessary to get there. I like to think of it as building your muscles. If you had a dream of running a marathon, you wouldn’t try to run 26.2 miles tomorrow. You would put a training program in motion and build your muscles and your endurance to enable success. Each step in the training program is a stretch and while you get close to your objective during training, the day of the event is the day you actually achieve your goal.” See, baby steps!

Choose a thought that feels better. All right, so now that you’re focused on starting where you are and only taking baby steps, the next goal is to choose a thought that feels better. I love that this idea seems to be such an inherent part of our collective consciousness now, but I remember when I was first introduced to the idea in Abraham-Hicks’s Ask and It is Given, I was blown away (in the best possible sense) by the simplicity and power of this practice. In a process called “Moving Up the Emotional Scale,” they lay out a scale of emotions from best-feeling (joy, knowledge, empowerment, freedom, love, appreciation) to worst-feeling (fear, grief, depression, despair, powerlessness). Yup, that funk is at the very bottom of their emotional scale. The good news? There’s 22 feelings on this list, and you don’t need to go all the way from 22 to 1 in one sitting. In fact, that’s likely to be impossible. Instead, all you have to do is reach for a better-feeling thought that is somewhere up the scale from where you. Guilt? #21. Anger? #17. Frustration? #10. Even the smallest shift can get the energy moving in an upwards direction.

Dance. Depending on your mood, this one might be out of reach, but with just the right combination of funk + beginnings of an energy shift, you might be able to turn on some body-moving music and let nature take its course. Just getting off the couch and doing a little head-banging may be all you’re capable of, but it may also be enough to raise that vibration up another notch or two.

Write. Again, this may feel like too much of a stretch, but especially if your funk originated with some worry or anger or jealousy, you might find writing to be a powerful tool to take some of those thoughts that keep swirling through your head and get rid of them on the paper so that they can start to let you go. I would definitely recommend pen and paper for this exercise–the visceral connection with the pen and watching the flow of letters on the page make a real connection between what you’re writing and letting it go. It’s flowing out of you, into the pen, and onto the paper. If it makes you feel better to think of it as writing a letter to the person that first upset you, all the better . . . so long as you don’t mail it.

Cut yourself some slack. This one can be hard to do when in the throes of a funk, but if you’ve started to feel the winds change you might be ready to cut yourself some slack. That TV show you’re watching? Not the end of the world. This is where you are right now, and you are already taking steps, however small, to shift that energy. Give yourself some credit for what you’ve been able to do–and here’s the key–without also giving yourself a hard time for what you haven’t. Rome wasn’t build in a day, and you’re not going to shift from depression to joy in a day either. So acknowledge whatever shift you *have* been able to achieve and end the internal conversation there.

Keep the energy moving. Okay, so maybe it’s the next day and you’re no longer in the depths of despair. Hallelujah! Take a moment to celebrate yourself for taking the baby steps necessary to get yourself up and out of that hole. But the mistake we all too often make is to stop there. You’re feeling so much better that the depression of yesterday seems distant and fuzzy, but it’s likely that you’re now at worry or frustration or doubt–in other words, not completely out of the woods. That slope is still a slippery one, and while you’re on much better footing today, there are more baby steps you can take to continue that upward momentum. Maybe you’ve already got a strong spiritual practice, in which case you know that it really doesn’t take much–a few minute meditation, a repetition of your mantra, singing a verse of a chant–to get you reconnected to your Source. It doesn’t take much, but it does need to be done. For more ideas about taking those baby steps a little further into the realm of connection, check out this post I wrote back in the day about Reconnecting. Chances are you got to this point via some old patterns, so maybe it’s time to start creating some new ones.

As with much of what I write, I wrote this for me far more than for anybody else. Once I find myself on that slippery slope, old patterns kick in and make it so so so easy to just keep on slip-sliding away. I’ve found myself on more than one occasion looking for that inspiration that will just keep it from getting worse–I know what’s at the bottom of the hole and I don’t want to go there–but that reach all too often feels too great. I’m bookmarking this post, adding it to my “In Case of Emergency, Break Glass” list. And I would love to hear from you too–what do you think? What here really resonates with you? And what has worked for you in the past to help shift you out of a funk? Namaste.

Photo: “rising up“, by gato-gato-gato

Spirit Time

“”It may be hard to believe that stopping to meditate together just a few minutes each day could possibly make your kids happier and more peaceful and confident, but give it a try for three months and see for yourself. I saw it in my own children, and I see it all the time in the families I work with as a children’s meditation teacher.”
~ Kerry Lee MacLean

When I first left my for-pay job to stay home with my boys, I had a dream of reinstating my daily meditation practice. My then 10-month-old son was not yet sleeping through the night, or anything close to it—Bean hated our daytime separation so much that he would often cluster feed at night to get the mommy-time he craved—so my previous routine of getting up early to get some me-time wasn’t really working. I knew it was an idea to keep working towards, but I needed something to feed me in the interim. My aha! moment came when it occurred to me to include my boys in my practice, and Spirit Time was born.

Spirit Time is my opportunity to do my practice in front of my children, and they are welcome to join in if they choose to. That doesn’t mean that it looks anything at all like my typical morning practice, which really requires about 30 minutes of alone time to feel satisfying. It is much more kid-friendly, including meditation, movement, and reading.

Meditation

My boys were not yet 1 and 3 when we started Spirit Time, and now they’re not yet 2 and 4. This makes for a pretty loose interpretation of the concept of meditation. When I started, I would simply sit on my meditation cushion and attempt to watch my breath “in the middle of the marketplace,” otherwise known as our playroom-of-a-living room. I’ll put on a New Age Pandora station or turn the TV to Comcast’s Soundscapes to provide some calming background music, perhaps more for my sake than for theirs. Some days I end up with a child (or two) in my lap. Other days I end up being a climbing structure. Today, Bean was having a seriously rough morning and kept melting down, so I ended up nursing him while I watched my breath.

I recently fell in love with this Simple Toddler Meditation, and I’ve borrowed/adapted a couple of components for our use. When it is time to begin Spirit Time, we often have to clean up our toys first so I sing a little cleaning song. Then I move into our Spirit Time song, sung to the tune of London Bridge: “Please come and join my little ring, little ring, little ring. Please come and join my little ring, and make it a little bit bigger.” Spider Boy will often set up a pillow for each of the boys as well as my meditation cushion, so technically there is a place for all three of us, and I will talk for a minute in a soothing voice to help let them know what I am doing, as if I am leading a guided meditation. I will take a few deep breaths and, depending on their energy, maybe take a moment or two to watch my breath, and then I’ll move into vocalizations. Spider Boy especially loves language, so I start by taking five deep breaths, making one of the vowel sounds on each outbreath. A becomes aaaah; E becomes eeeee; I becomes iiiii; O becomes ohhhh; and U becomes ooooh. Bean especially loves animals, so then I will take five or so more deep breaths, making an animal sound on each outbreath. Favorites include moooo, cock-a-doodle-doooo, hisssss, hee-haaaaw, and neeiigh.

I know as the boys get older, we can move into more traditional guided meditations and visualizations, but for now my intention is to model a sitting practice for them, and to ground my own energy, which has huge affects not just directly on me, but on them as well.

Movement

Getting my boys into yoga was one of those “seemed like a good idea at the time” ideas for far too long. Spider Boy is really resistant to “follow the leader” type activities, and isn’t one to participate when, say, there’s a song at his preschool with hand movements. He might do them later when it is his idea to sing the song, but not typically in the moment. I tried showing him yoga videos with kids doing the movements, and he thought they were amusing (sometimes), but really was not interested in doing the movements, and often would get upset with me for attempting to do them myself.

Bean is another story. Now that he is old enough to do the movements himself, he loves them, so I am one happy yoga mama. We started with a handful of toddler yoga videos from YouTube to provide a common base for us to work off of. While I love The Sun Dance (and watching either Spider Boy or Bean do a downward dog is priceless!), Bean’s favorite by far is Bug Yoga. This morning we checked out a couple of kids’ yoga videos I noticed On Demand. The Space yoga wasn’t as big of a hit as I thought it would be, but Bean loved the Farm one. At one point she has the kids doing back rolls (saying it’s like pigs rolling in the mud), and Bean got super excited and dropped onto the floor to do Dead Bug Pose. (Precious!)

As time goes on, I expect Bean to take the lead here, with Spider Boy following a little more reluctantly. As Spider Boy starts to get favorite movement activities over time, I can incorporate more of what I know he likes to get him engaged, and perhaps just encourage him to do it on his own at other times of day. I will also incorporate movement from other traditions, like qigong. But much like the meditation, my goal for now is to model movement that gets our energy flowing.

Reading

Spider Boy is an avid reader. He loves being read to, listening to audiobooks, and now beginning to read himself. Bean is much more hit or miss, loving books in theory but having minimal patience to sit through full books. Either way, setting aside time to read to the boys each day is incredibly important to me, as is having at least one of those books be one with a good message. Typically I’ll get out three or four books and let Spider Boy choose one for us to read. This enables me to focus where I’d like for us to go during Spirit Time, and then if either of the boys wants to read a second book (or more), I’m open to whatever they’re interested in. This morning, they both desperately wanted to read, and all three of us each picked out a book. We started with A Great Attitude—a simple book with a simple message about how it isn’t what happens to you that makes you have a good day, it’s how you choose to respond—and then moved on to Anh’s Anger—a wonderful story about a boy who befriends his anger and learns how to release the negative energy in ways that leave him feeling good and empowered. And then Bean snuggled into my lap to read What Does It Mean To Be Present—a simple yet beautifully illustrated book that talks about mindfulness and being present aimed at school-aged children. Bean had a great time pointing out the blue butterfly on each page.

I love having this time to read about things that are important to me, like mindfulness. They are each going to take away probably a sliver of what the book’s intention is, especially when we read something like poetry from Earth Prayers, but I know what is said is percolating in their brains when Spider Boy asks a question later in the day (or week, or even month) about one of our Spirit Time stories. For their first six years especially, children are such little sponges. They are absorbing substantially more of what they’re read to (and shown and told, etc.) than we ever anticipate, so my goal is to be sure that for at least one story a day, they’re being given tools to build a strong foundation for their social, emotional, and spiritual development.

Spirit Time On The Go

There are days when we simply just do not have time for Spirit Time. While any one step of Spirit Time is not that time consuming, the boys are still so young that there is a considerable amount of running around time in the midst of the practice, so it can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 90 minutes (not dedicated time, of course!) I typically have it incorporated into our morning routine so that we are getting dressed, going potty, and possibly even cooking breakfast in and around our practice. However, if we are planning a grand adventure for the day and need to be out of the house early, we will take Spirit Time with us. I will let my mom drive, and then I can walk the boys through a modified meditation and some reading time, and sometimes we will even squeeze some yoga in at the park or wherever we’re headed. (Bean loves to do Dead Bug Pose just about anywhere!)

As with so many things about parenting, this practice has taught me not to compartmentalize so much. No matter what we are doing throughout our day, this is life. It can feel crazy and chaotic sometimes, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have time to do what is important to us. At first it may feel like you’re carving out that time, and possibly even sacrificing something else in order to make it work, but then it becomes just a part of the routine, a part of life, as integral to your life as breathing is. This is my goal with Spirit Time, to make sure that I am taking the time to nourish my spirit all while showing my boys that it is something worth making time for. The long-term benefits for them are huge—self-regulation skills, the ability to focus, even improved health—and short-term, getting to share this part of my life with them is priceless. Namaste.

What is mindful parenting?

“Mindfulness practice means that we commit fully in each moment to be present; inviting ourselves to interface with this moment in full awareness, with the intention to embody as best we can an orientation of calmness, mindfulness, and equanimity right here and right now.” ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

There is an exciting parenting movement afoot that is growing by leaps and bounds. While it may be more accurate to say there are many movements afoot—positive parenting, gentle parenting, conscious parenting, spiritually-aware parenting, attachment parenting, playful parenting, and more—they are all subtle variations on a theme. The label that is resonating the most for me these days is mindful parenting.

So what is mindful parenting? I suspect that everyone practices their subtle variation on this parenting theme in their own way—I know that I am a big believer in finding your own way of doing things that works for you—but these variations have more in common than not. Here is my take on what the key points are:

Respect. Your children are people too, just as deserving of your respect as the adults in your life. When you respect them, you are modeling what respect looks like, teaching them to respect others in return.

Limits. Setting and enforcing consistent limits is critical to a child’s sense of security. It is their job to test boundaries; it is your job to ensure those boundaries are strong.

Mirroring. Your children are your mirror. This works in a couple of different ways. Children learn from watching and imitating others’ behavior much more than they do from being talked to, so BE the things you want your children to be. And if you see a “negative” behavior showing up in your children, take a look at how you are feeling and acting now to see how you might be affecting them.

Listen. We often complain that our children don’t listen to us, but it is equally true that we often don’t really listen to them. Listening to your children not only helps them to feel heard, it can give you much needed insight into the way your children’s minds work.

Connection. Even the most independent children still need a strong emotional connection with their parents. The most connected children are the most secure children, and that security enables them to be more successful in life not just in the early years, but as teenagers and beyond. When children “act out,” they are almost always feeling disconnected. Help them to feel reconnected first, then try to teach them a better way to act.

Breathe. When in doubt, take a deep breath. If you need to, leave the room. Center yourself, get yourself back to a place of loving-kindness, then reengage. Children are incredibly sensitive to energy, and will respond in kind.

Play. Children learn and communicate through play. When we get down at their level and play with them, it’s not just fun, it’s a way for us to both learn and teach. If there’s something you really want your children to learn, find a way to make it a game.

Awareness. Being aware of what’s going on with you, what’s going on with your children, what’s going on in your environment, can make a huge impact in your ability to respond instead of react.

Stay Present. Life is unfolding in the present moment, and no one is better at truly living in the present than a child. Not only is this moment of huge importance to your children because every moment is, each moment of your own life is deserving of your full attention. The more you can slow down and experience the present moment, the more fully you can experience your life and your children’s lives.

Parenting is full of a lot of little moments that can easily get to feeling like drudgery, that can easily bring up a sense of resistance in us. When we practice mindfulness, we can shift those moments, we can “do the dishes” (as Byron Katie would say) and love the task that’s in front of us, and love our children just as they are in this moment. Mindful parenting is a reminder to me that a mindful life is a full life, and every moment is a blessing with the opportunity for learning, for growth, for joy, and for love. Namaste.

Mindful Parenting e-Bundle Sale!

I am super excited for the Mindful Parenting e-Bundle sale that begins today and runs through June 10th! Some of the top conscious parenting bloggers have joined forces to create a fantastic bundle of resources at a fraction of the cost. Topics include gentle parenting, self-care for parents, creativity and play, children and food, spirituality, and more—pretty much sums up what I’m all about these days!

More than 20 products for $24.95 (valued over $274). Available only from May 28 to June 10, 2013. And if you buy the bundle through my website, I get a portion of the proceeds. Win win!

I am going to be writing more about mindful parenting throughout the 12 days of the sale, but this is such a great deal that I wanted to get a quick blurb up about it this morning. I love how positive parenting, conscious parenting, gentle parenting, spiritually-aware parenting, mindful parenting—all subtle variations on what is essentially the same theme—are taking off and becoming more the “norm.” It bodes well for this generation of children and those to come—and their parents! Namaste.

Working mama

The phrase “working mother” is redundant.
~ Jane Sellman

I’ve been back to work officially one month today. I’m not gonna lie, it’s been a rough month. There’s always so much to do and rarely enough hours in the day to scratch the surface, let alone feel like I’m accomplishing anything or getting to spend enough quality time with the boys. But it’s a work in progress, with each new day an opportunity for me to cull out what isn’t working and try something new that might.

What’s working includes focusing on the positives. The first time I went out to lunch with a few coworkers, I was holding a somewhat messy sandwich and I just took a moment to savor being able to eat slow(ish), with both hands. As busy as work can get, if I need to pay a bill, it only takes a minute to write out the check and walk it over to the mail drop — a task (or series of tasks, really — where are those stamps again?) that could have taken most of a morning when I was at home. The regularity of the routine has Spider Boy back to enjoying daycare — when I dropped the boys off yesterday morning he was happily anticipating getting to play with his friends all day — and he is relishing getting to spend more one-on-one time with Grandma again. And Bean has had a developmental boom that I know is due in part to interaction with children at a variety of developmental levels.

What’s working also includes a combination of shifting my perspective and truly staying present to the moment. Most Sundays, I take the boys grocery shopping — what felt like a chore when I was on leave now feels like a fun way for us to spend time together. Spider Boy and I talk and hug our way through the store, and I get to experience how he interacts with the other customers (strangers are most certainly just friends he hasn’t met yet). My husband and I have found new ways to connect with each other, whether it’s talking (hands-free!) on our morning commutes or doing our chores in the same room during naps. Sleep deprivation may leave me fuzzy, but that’s just an opportunity for me to let go of needing to be completely on top of everything, and having Bean wake up to nurse in the night feels like an opportunity for us to snuggle close.

And then there’s the work itself. Returning from maternity leave gives me the opportunity to ask how I want to spend my time. Sure, every job has a series of tasks that need to be accomplished in order to say you’re doing the job. But every job also has an opportunity for you to ask who am *I* in this job and how do I choose to show up? I choose to have my work be an extension of my Work, which means I choose to encourage people to live their lives more fully. When I was asked recently what people in my position do, the words I jotted down were: empowering, facilitating, mentoring, mediating, problem-solving. I would probably also add “healing” in the sense that I try to shine my light of positive opportunity into areas that might otherwise appear dark and see what shifts.

There is always room for improvement. I have my moments of feeling frazzled and emotional and exhausted and wondering how I’m going to get through the next five minutes let alone the rest of the week. But I am taking it one day at a time, taking every day as a practice, taking every moment as a new opportunity. And nothing, but nothing, beats the pure joy that runs through my being when Spider Boy comes running in at the end of the day yelling “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” as he throws himself into my arms, and then watching little Bean’s face light up when he sees me. I am truly, madly, deeply blessed. Namaste.

Originally posted on Pachamama Spirit

Grounding in ungrounded times

You may have noticed in recent weeks or months a sensation of being distracted, spacey, off balance, ungrounded. Whether you’re consciously aware of it or not, there’s an energetic realignment happening on our planet, which can be a little unsettling at times. I tend to struggle with being grounded in the best of times, and my sense is this next year (or 13 months, really) it is going to be extra intense. I’ve gathered together a few of my favorite tools that you may find useful whether you’re an old hat at this and just in need of a refresher, or just recognizing for the first time today that you might be in need of new sea legs. You can use any of these tools as frequently or rarely as you need.

Nature

This is really the easiest, most natural way to ground–touch the earth. If you can do it by a large body of water, even better. Take a walk, kneel down and run your hands through the dirt, sit on a rock, wade in a lake, dip your toes in the ocean, hug a tree. Anything that connects you literally to the earth will almost immediately ground you, but treat yourself to a few minutes (or more, if you have the time!) to really soak up that energy.

Roots and cords

While we may not have literal roots into the earth like trees do, we do have energetic roots. Sometimes called cords, you can visualize these as tubes of energy that connect your body to the earth. If that seems too esoteric for you, you can visualize yourself as a tree, and see roots coming out of each of your feet, sinking into the earth. Stand or walk or even sit with your feet firmly planted on the floor, and really breathe into this image for a few minutes, embodying your best inner tree and feeling that deep connection to the earth that we all have.

Crystals and stones

Crystals and other stones are great for grounding, probably because they come directly from the earth. There are a variety of crystals that can be used for grounding, including Smoky Quartz, my personal favorite for this purpose. I also love finding stones when I’m out for walks and bringing them home for this purpose. You don’t need to actively do anything to ground with crystals or stones–their presence nearby is often enough to provide assistance–but picking them up, wearing them on your skin, or carrying them in your pocket can give them an extra boost.

Helping your kids to ground

Energetically speaking, your kids are connected to you until right around puberty–between 11 and 13, depending on who you talk to (and, I’m guessing, since it is true with everything else parenting-related, depending on you and your child specifically). I tend to be sensitive to other people’s energy, and when Spider Boy was born, I got completely lost, unable to tell what were my feelings and what were his. Elisabeth Manning taught me an incredibly useful tool that enabled me to disentangle our energies and ground us both as individuals. Here is the slightly revised version that I’ve been using ever since:

Begin by visualizing a bubble of light encircling you, and a separate bubble encircling your child. As you visualize each bubble, ask yourself what color you need (or your child needs)–whatever color pops into your head, visualize the bubble in that color. You might also choose to fill the bubble with that color light (or bubbles or fairies or whatever) if so moved. Your intellect can make you crazy with these kind of ask-and-answer visualizations, so try to let go and just go with whatever comes up for you. There is no wrong answer.

Visualize a cord of light running from your root chakra (around your tailbone) down deep into the core of the earth. (When I first started doing this, I had this spindly little cord, but Elisabeth encouraged me to make it bigger and now it is about the size of a tree trunk. I consciously invoke the larger size when I’m feeling especially ungrounded.) When you feel like your cord has connected with the earth, visualize the earth energy running back up the cord and into you, like you’re refueling and it’s filling up your tank. I have a shamrock-shaped “tank” that I visualize and I can see when it’s full. Sometimes the energy flows in a rush, and other times it can take a while, so give yourself a moment to be sure you’re complete. Then repeat this exercise by visualizing a cord for your child going deep into the earth, and filling up his or her tank as well.

I recommend practicing this visualization when your child is calm so that you’ve got it at the ready when they’re upset.

Additional reading

There are hundreds, possibly thousands, of resources out there on these topics. Here are a few recent ones that have come to my attention that you might find useful as well:

Body and Soul ~ Mind and Spirit : Crystals for Grounding
DailyOM : Being A Strong Container
Healing Crystals For You : Earth Chakra
Living With Your Psychic Gifts : Grounding

Originally posted on Pachamama Spirit

Reconnecting

“When you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.”
~Will Rogers

We all have those moments, days, weeks where it feels like we can’t keep up, we aren’t centered or grounded, we’re separated from Source. I don’t know about you, but when it happens to me, I have this sense that it will require a grand gesture to turn it around. Missed a few days of meditation? Then I must need an hour-long meditation plus two more hours of spiritual practice to catch back up. And then when I don’t have the time or make the time for such a long practice, I judge myself as lacking and sink deeper into the darkness.

The thing is, of course, we’re never completely closed off from Source and no matter how disconnected we feel, reconnection is literally only a breath away. Once the awakening has begun, once you’ve had a taste of the experience of your deep connection to Source, it doesn’t take much to bring you back there. Here are a few simple tools you can use throughout your day to either help you remain connected or reconnect you as needed:

Breathing. We are constantly breathing, in and out, all day long, each and every day. It is something we are generally unconscious of, but try bringing your consciousness to this natural process, recognizing with each breath that you are alive in this moment, right now. Do this for a few moments or a few minutes, depending on where you are and how much time you have. It’s amazing how this simple technique can bring you quickly back to yourself, to you as observer, as awareness, to the now.

Be Here Now. The key to happiness is to stay present in this moment. I find that a simple mantra can work wonders in helping me remain present when I find my mind wandering into past and future events. I’ve been using “Be Here Now” recently, although any mantra will work. I’ve also been playing with the idea that whatever I am doing right now, it is my life’s purpose to be doing it, and so I remind myself of that as I work. It is a great way to turn any activity into a meditation and almost always brings me up out of whatever dark thoughts were trying to take hold in my mind into the space of light and peace that is always available in the now.

Music. Listening to music can be a quick and easy way to reconnect. Our bodies are energy and we are all vibrating. Music is also a vibration, and when the two vibrations meet, we can experience a deep harmony. I know for me there are a few tracks that from the first note I feel myself transported. If you don’t already know what works for you in this way, I recommend exploring the many examples that are available these days developed with the intention of positively affecting people’s vibration. My current favorite is Jonathan Goldman’s Waves of Light, although I also enjoy the Brainwave Suite and the second track of Kelly Howell’s Retrieve Your Destiny. The Globe Institute for Sound Therapy & Healing is a great resource as well. They have a collection of CDs available in their store with demos for you to sample. When you visit their website, they have a selection playing, “Awakening,” that instantly transports me, and I often leave the page open in the background while I’m working so that I can stay in that sense of the divine no matter what I’m doing.

Nature. If you have a wee bit more time, try connecting with the natural world. If there’s a park or a forest nearby, go for a short walk. Try taking off your shoes, feeling the grass or dirt beneath your feet. Connecting with the earth directly is a quick and easy way to literally ground yourself through the earth’s energy. When you don’t have nature readily at hand, try observing the flora and fauna around you. Flowers in a vase, a house plant, a pet, a bird outside your window — take a few moments to really experience these examples of life that can be found just about everywhere, using each of your senses. You may feel how they radiate energy just like you do. Or you may just notice their simple beauty. Whatever comes up for you, the natural world provides so many examples of the essence of life that it can become a great way for you to reconnect with your own sense of that essence within you.

The key here is really it only takes a moment to remember what it is we already know–that we are one with the Source of all life and that the only moment that truly is is this one. When we come into that awareness, we are in contact with the power of the universe, with the divine. Try playing with a few of these tools this week, maybe by setting up a reminder alarm to go off a few times throughout the day or by using them when you start to feel yourself slipping into unconsciousness. I think you’ll find it only takes a moment to turn your day around. Good luck, have fun, and let me know how it goes! Namaste.

Photo: “That my life would depend on the morning sun,” originally uploaded by ThunderChild the Magnificent

Originally posted on Jenn’s Two Cents/Learning to Fly

Step 4: Connect Consciously

From the Steps to Learning How to Fly series.

The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green earth, swelling in the present moment and feeling truly alive.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh

I don’t know about you, but I am a busy person. If you have ever tried to make a plan with me, you know how true this is. I have a wide variety of interests and I generally like to be doing things, whether it’s going for a hike or hanging out with friends or reorganizing a closet. Even without working full-time right now, I get myself so busy some days I feel like my head is going to spin on my shoulders. My saving grace? My meditation practice.

The word “meditation” has a lot of expectation tied up in it. There are schools of thought out there that follow pretty specific guidelines–that’s not (exclusively) what I’m talking about here. Whether you call it meditation, or sitting, or being still, the point is to take time each day to stop doing and to practice being. Guided meditation, walking meditation, silent meditation, or even just watching the waves crash on the beach–whatever works for you, this is what I mean by meditation.

So how does something that requires more time get fit into a busy life? I know one of the first places of resistance that I go to is, “But I just don’t have the time.” The truth is, you don’t have to meditate for a long period of time to feel its benefits. While my goal is to meditate at least 30 minutes each day, the minimum commitment I make to myself is 15 minutes. Still sound like too much? Then start with 10 minutes, or even 5. The amount of time is less important than the commitment, the practice.

August Gold recommends a daily morning practice she calls 5-5-5: five minutes of reading, five minutes of writing, five minutes of sitting. If you have more time, then expand each section to fill it–currently, I’m at roughly 30-30-30. All three pieces come into play as part of the larger concept of connecting consciously to Source–or God, or the Universe, or Infinite Intelligence, or whatever you like to call the Oneness, the omnipresence that is back of all creation–and your intuition, that internal wisdom that is there to provide you with guidance. Doing five minutes of each activity should fit into even the busiest schedule, and each has its own benefit. Plus, starting your day with such a self-nurturing connection enables the rest of your day to flow that much more smoothly and gracefully.

The benefits to conscious connection are probably too large to enumerate here, but let me just start with the basics to whet your appetite–I assure you, the longer you engage in this practice, the more advantages you will become aware of.

Reading: For many of us, reading an eye-opening book was the gateway to the journey we find ourselves on today. Once you’ve read enough, you start to truly understand that there’s nothing new under the sun, however each new approach, each new turn of phrase, each new perspective opens you up to a deeper understanding than you held before. I can’t tell you how many Aha! moments I have had where in trying to explain it to someone else I realized it was something I already knew quite well, but there was just something about this new way of thinking about it that made me really *get* it. Incorporating reading, even for just five minutes, into your morning practice gives you the gift of fresh inspiration to apply to whatever crosses your path that day.

Writing: The idea of daily writing calls to mind the countless diaries I filled as a kid about what I had done that day or which boy I liked or why I was mad at my mom. And while getting that detritus out of your system through writing is one of the benefits of this practice, once you’ve been doing this for a while you begin to access your inner wisdom in a new way. I’ve gotten to the point where I can just write a question and keep writing and the answer pours out of my pen. I receive nearly daily guidance in this manner about everything from reminders to call a relative for their birthday to what kinds of release rituals I’m due for to what to write about on Learning to Fly to what to make for dinner. For me, it started small, but the more I began to trust it and to follow its guidance, the more avenues it opened up for me.

Sitting: As we’ve already touched on, this practice is about getting still, about just being. It is how you begin to cultivate a sense of which of those voices in your head is the voice of fear and which is the voice of intuition, that still small voice within that holds the answers you seek. Sometimes, your mind is just chatty chatty chatty, and other times you can get to a place of quiet, but either way it all adds up. The effects may be subtle at first–you might feel a little more energized, or you might feel more intuitive, or you might feel more aware of what’s happening around you. It’s another muscle to be built, your meditation muscle, and over time as you build that muscle the effects become clearer and clearer. For me, as I touched on in my “Ah, meditation” post, it increases my awareness on many levels, leaving me feeling like I am communing with all of creation long after I open my eyes and begin to dive into my day. I am more in touch with my intuition, enabling me to be aware of what it is I need but also opening me up to seeing what is happening with those around me. It leaves me with a sense of calm and the ability to focus on things one at a time, to be mindful of what I’m doing in such a way that makes me more efficient and engaged. When I meditate regularly, I am simply MORE–more appreciative, more aware, more open, more intuitive, more focused, more peaceful.

The last piece of conscious connection is getting clear on what it is you want for your life and setting your intention. This concept is somewhat woven into each of the steps in this series as part of the circular nature of this path, so let’s revisit it fully on its own in the near future. In the meantime, I hope I have at least piqued your curiosity. If you should choose to incorporate a morning practice into your daily routine, please let me know how it goes. And hey, let me know what you think are the most important things that I have missed!

Recommended Listening

Awakening Kundalini, by Kelly Howell
Retrieve Your Destiny, by Kelly Howell
Soul Stretch, by Caroline Reynolds
Tibetan Singing Bowl: Music for Deep Meditation

Recommend Reading

Meditation, by Eknath Eswaran
The Power of Intention, by Wayne Dyer
The Prayer Chest, By August Gold and Joel Fotinos
Tao te Ching, by Lao Tzu, translated by Jonathan Star
The Universe Is Calling, by Eric Butterworth

Photo: Day 3/366…..Fire, Wood & Stone, Originally uploaded by LD Cross